Fear.

When's the last time you felt it? Genuine fear?

When someone says the word "fear", my mind immediately goes to that of horror films. I think of murderers. Apparitions. Being trapped in a room by an ungodly creature -- But that's not real fear. That's just being frightened. That's a knee-jerk reaction to something you're processing. No, no. I mean FEAR.

Fear of death. Of life? Of commitment. Of people. Of love. Honestly, people can have deep-seeded fear about anything. That's what's interesting about the human race. What might stick to my very bones and keep me awake at night could be nothing but a second thought to everyone else.

Today, I felt it. Nothing creative either, nothing new. Just a plain old fear of failure.

I sat at my desk and could feel myself become more agitated. I'm working on some storyboards for a shoot I'm doing next week and I was having some trouble seeing how I wanted to shoot a certain scene. Over-the-shoulder two-shot, handheld dolly-type move, wide as they step into frame -- I was annoyed(and continue to be, FYI). I just felt like I wasn't "getting it".

And then it hit me. "Can I do this?"

My chest started to get tight. My hands started to feel tense and I needed to clench fists repeatedly. In my mind, I know that I can. That I am good at what I do and I love it, as well. I've always executed. But still my stomach wouldn't let up. And the struggle began. Inside myself.

No one will ever do as much damage to you as you can do to yourself, I'm starting to finally learn.

It's a vicious fight -- Trying to lop the heads off of your own fears. Some people lose. Scratch that, a lot of people lose. But some win. Nobody wins all of the time, but you learn how to fight back the next time it returns.

You can sit there. You can sit and think of all things that you've got going on in your life and choose to either file them under "Fear" or "Courage". It's completely up to you. People might look at you as if you were blessed, yet you may look into the mirror as if you were cursed. It's all how you choose.


I sat down to write because I didn't know what to do. I sat down to write in an effort to fight. This is my fight. My battle.

And I don't intend to lose.